I was originally going to title this post “Less Than Zero,” but then I realized that aged me by about a billion years (give or take.) Less Than Zero is a movie that was released in 1987, starring Robert Downey Jr. (Iron Man, kids!), Andrew McCarthy, James Spader and a bunch of other floppy-haired olds who were collectively known as the Brat Pack. It was also based off the Bret Easton Ellis novel of the same name (his first published novel, actually.) I’ve never seen the movie, being just 10 when it came out and not all that fond of films about the depressing circularity of young adulthood (see also St. Elmo’s Fire), but a minor detail like that isn’t going to stop me when the opportunity for a corny pun presents itself.
Those of you familiar with my acetone-enhanced ramblings will already know that I don’t review polishes and other nail art products in the strictest sense of the word. Sure, I’ll let you know if a nail polish is great, and if I’m feeling particularly magnanimous, I might even share the treasure map to Mystery Nail Polish Island (that’s where all the polishes you covet online and can never find in the real world live, didn’t you know?) But I’m not much for calling out a polish or a particular manufacturer for less than stellar wares, because beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Unfortunately, beauty isn’t the only indicator of a good nail polish. Things like ease of application, durability and cost are also factors.
So in light of all that, let’s take a look at this polish, OPI’s Today I Accomplished Zero from the recently released Coca Cola collection. Calling back to the actual title of this post, I’ll note that it’s in reference to the frustrations I had with this polish, not that there were no issues to be had. Because man, were there issues.
For starters, my bottle came as part of a 10-piece mini set, which, while adorable and chock full of colourful choice, is not the best format for all polishes. Thirsty glitter jelly polishes in particular (“thirsty” just means it seems to dry out really quickly and eats up tons of topcoat) don’t seem to fare very well in mini bottles. It’s almost like there’s not enough fluid in the bottle to keep things flowing smoothly.
That dryness, of course, made application difficult. These photos show four coats of Today I Accomplished Zero with one thick coat of Seche Vite, and they’re still lumpy as all heck, to say nothing of my husband’s comment that I must have done a gradient with it, because the polish seemed much darker at my nail tips. Um, no, sweetie, that wasn’t on purpose, as every subsequent coat just stripped off more of the stuff beneath it, depositing it lumpily at the edges of my nails.
I generally don’t mind a difficult polish. By going slow and steady, I can usually find a way to make it work. But OPI’s a pricey brand, and this polish was just way, way too much work. I doubt I’ll use it again (which is good, because taking into account the mini bottle and the four coats necessary for this one manicure alone, I used up most of the bottle.)
Long story short? Give serious thought to those mega tiny mini packs, because I believe you’re sacrificing quality for choice (although you could also argue that I’d be worse off had I bought a full sized, $14 bottle, and you’d probably be correct!) Informed polish choices, yo – rock the vote and all that stuff. 😉 Also, before I’m accused of being a big old downer, I’ll note that once you’ve actually applied this polish, it looks absolutely gorgeous in lower lighting, like embers smouldering away after the fire’s been doused. Being an indoor kitty is actually something of an oddity for a glitter polish, as they typically do their show-offy thing best under direct light. There, that’s about all the positivity I can handle for one day!