A Festivus For the Rest of Us

Festivus BottleI wasn’t a huge Seinfeld fan (the episode where the gang gets lost in a mammoth parking garage with a half dead goldfish excepting) but I always thought I could totally get on board with Festivus, the holiday George’s father creates to go head to head with December’s traditional holiday celebrations. Here’s some tips for getting the most out the Festivus season:

1. Hang your Festivus decorations with care, particularly the centrepiece of any good F-Day celebration, the load-bearing metal pole. You know, like the ones in your basement holding up the ceiling. DO NOT DECORATE THE FESTIVUS POLE. It must remain unadorned. Bleak here is key.

2. Gather your loved ones ’round the Festivus pole. And then beat them mercilessly – yes, actual fisticuffs – as you engage in the traditional Airing of Grievances and Feats of Strength.

Sounds crazy, sure, but doesn’t it also sound HONEST? Everyone’s got a shitty holiday story (or two, or three, or…) – sometimes it feels like we’re not very far off from just wailing on each other around a rusty metal pole anyways. Or maybe I’m just attracted to Festivus because it means I wouldn’t have to decorate a tree at all! Perhaps we’ll just decorate our nails instead (got to keep those claws sharp for the Feats of (Nail) Strength.) And the day that amendment goes through, I’ve got just the polish to adorn those claws, the appropriately titled Festivus from Whimsical Ideas by Pam, a super cute everything-and-the-kitchen-sink rainbow glitter that more than makes up for the overall bleakness of the Festivus season, particularly when layered over a cheery, grape soda-hued polish like Pure Ice’s Playful Purple.Festivus HandFestivus Fingers


11 thoughts on “A Festivus For the Rest of Us

  1. I keep thinking of Estevez Festivez! (Can’t remember what it’s from – it’s what someone on some telly programme called an Emilio Estevez movie marathon) (so bad and so memorable)

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