They’re Heeeere

Poltergeist HandSmall tip for surviving a horror movie: When the adorable little tow-headed girl begins talking to her friends on the other side of the static-covered television in a creepy, sing-songy voice, GET THE HELL OUT OF THE HOUSE. Do not call in an ineffectual medium, do not deny the existence of that portal in your daughter’s closet, and for the love of all that’s holy, do not smoke the dope as a way of relieving the stress of living in a malevolent haunted house that wants to kidnap your children, because the second you do, one of them’s getting eaten by a tree.

Holy crap, ’80s horror movies were scary!

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