I know 1980s-influenced fashion is having a real moment (leggings, how you are the bane of my existence) but speaking as yet another weary OLD who lived through that particular decade’s unflattering sartorial excesses, it is a flirtation that ought to be cut off before it can turn into something more. Seriously, guys, Spandex bike shorts that made the slim look gangly and knock-kneed and anyone carrying even an extra pound like the Michelin Man. These weird plastic combs we called banana clips that gave you a lopsided, limp kind of mohawk and would invariably yank out chunks of your hair. Stirrup pants. Oh, it was an unkind time. Then again, I was a totally fashion-challenged kid in the ’80s; nothing like the mini fashionistas who strut around now, intimidating me with their bitchin’ style at three and a half years old.
I don’t do a whole lot of modern, geographic, ’80s-inspired nail art, so what better way to fill that small blank spot in my portfolio than by tackling week one’s theme of the 1980s in May’s N.A.I.L. Challenge? For this manicure, I went with an every-nail-for-itself approach, highlighting five iconic looks of the not-so-fashionable ’80s, from acid wash jeans and the rainbow heart print sweater every girl wanted, to the aforementioned striped bike shorts and Ralph Lauren men’s button-downs.
Oh, and those things on my index finger? Safety pins. For a blessedly short amount of time in junior high, it was all the rage to squeeze into your already breath-inhibiting jeans and then, cranking whatever inseam actually existed together, pin your pants, one atop another, until you reached your knees or higher, if you dared sacrifice the tender flesh to multiple puncture wounds. In hindsight, with the safety pins and the inherent risk of injury and all, it was actually a pretty punk rock look, but hella impractical!
So with week one over and done, let’s take a look at what else the fine ladies of N.A.I.L. have in store for us this May.
Finger Candy 
So you’re saying you would have safety pins coming up your shins? I cringe remembering how I would peg the legs of my jeans, whether that was folding over the leg and rolling up, or pinning it over with safety pins. We all did it, but I had a crazy issue with the idea of loose material around my ankles. Nowadays I don’t own a pair of jeans that isn’t bootcut! Soooo many fashion travesties thanks to following the herd….suede leather bomber jacket (that I ruined by shutting the locker door on the sleeve and cutting into it), and Eastland boat shoes tied in this specific way so you could slip them on and off… Ugh!
I love it! Please tell me that bomber jacket had fringe on it, oh, please, please, please! Although I know exactly what you’re talking about with the Eastlands – the little curled bits of the laces that poked out so you didn’t actually have to lace them up? That’s about as great as the oxblood Bass penny loafers I had that had actually pennies in them.
And no, the safety pins didn’t go up your shins, they went up your INNER CALF AND THIGHS. Like, how stupid is that? Most people only took it to about the knee, but some of the hardcore girls (it was just girls) pinned them to the point where the pins would snap open every time they’d sit down. Nobody’s best (or smartest) look.
I’m afraid no fringe on the jackets, but you know what I am saying about the Eastland knots! The safety pin thing sounds dangerous!!!