Muffin – and Teenage Boy – Madness

Muffin Madness 2

A breathtakingly stupid story from my youth forms the basis for these scrumptious-looking nails that pay homage to the mighty manicured muffin!

So it was round about the end of high school when a friend fell in temporary infatuation with a cute boy from another school we used to pal around with (I defy you to call it anything other than temporary when the boy in question wears an upside down bookkeeper’s visor unironically.)  There was a big party coming up, and it was pretty well expected that it would be during this soiree that they would declare their feelings for one another in all manner of debauched Hughesian awkwardness.

But because teenagers are generally giant tools, the very first thing they did upon arriving at the party was to furiously ignore one another, my friend seeking solace in some girl talk, with Upside Down Visor doing likewise.  With another girl.  And a whole lot of public groping.  Real party killer, that.  Also the end of any flirtation between my friend and Teenage Dirtbag.

Anyhow, some time later my friend and Upside Down Visor once again found themselves at the same party, and she asked him what had happened that night – it hadn’t been her imagination, right, there was maybe something there between them?  Why the stupid freeze-out?

Oh no, he confirmed, there was definitely something there; he actually liked her a lot.  But here was the deal – and then he launched into THE dumbest explanation of the romantic-existential dilemma I have EVER heard.  Seriously, this happened nearly 20 years ago and I still admire the balls-out stupidity of this guy.  Allow me to throw it to straight dialogue:

Upside Down Visor (UDV): Okay, so it’s like this.  What’s your favourite food?

My Friend (Friend): Muffins.

UDV: What kind do you like best?

Friend: Chocolate chip.

UDV: And after chocolate chip?

Friend: Blueberry.

UDV: Okay, so let’s say you go to the bakery and there’s two kinds of muffins there, chocolate chip and blueberry.  You want the chocolate chip muffin the most, but it’s been, like, sitting out for days and it’s gone all crusty and stale and it has this weird mold starting to grow on top.  But then beside it there’s the blueberry muffin, and it’s all warm from the oven and tender and buttery and ready to be eaten………like, seriously, which would you pick?!

Friend: You’re an idiot.

And scene.

And so here we have chocolate chip and blueberry muffin nail art.  I like both interpretations equally, but in the immortal words of UDV, like, seriously, which would you pick?!  Such decisions. 😉

Muffin Madness 1

6 thoughts on “Muffin – and Teenage Boy – Madness

  1. This is the nuttiest story, both hilarious and outrage-inducing! But I love those nails especially because I also had a teenage episode with the muffin choice (literal baked goods not weak metaphors). First I must say, and my husband as a high school teacher often does–teenage boys have no balls! Many have no backbones either, your friend dodged a douchey bullet with that dude. (also, I’m cracking up at the thought of a 25 year old conversation making it’s way into a featured manicure blog :p)
    My story is that as SUPER grown-up seniors in high school, my friend, who was my ride to school, dropped her 1st period class which led to us spending many early hours in the Perkins diner eating muffins. I didn’t let the fact that I still had a 1st period get in the way of a sugary breakfast. I would order double chocolate chip and she often ordered blueberry-muffins were about the only item we could cough up cash for on the regular. Sometimes we would split ours in half and eat a bit of each-when that butter hit the crumbly goodness-YUMMO.
    So your muffin tale reminded me of long ago quality time with a friend, when I was too cool to show up to school before 2nd period class!

    • Aww, I LOVE your muffin story, that is so stinkin’ cute. 🙂 What an adorable tradition. A lot of my friends worked at this McDonald’s a short walk from our high school, so we’d inevitably always end up there, some weird combination of those of us hanging in the parking lot and those of us on the clock. Good times. Glad I could remind you of YOUR good times.

      But seriously, yes, what a dipshit. But hey, at least he attempted an explanation of sorts, misguided though it was. I seriously hope he became an accountant as an adult to justify that effing visor, it would be so fitting.

      • My parents thought it much less adorable when they spoke to my 1st per. teacher and found out how many classes I missed that semester! It was an elective, non-mandatory class and I disregarded it completely I’m embarrassed to say.

        That dude totally seems like a caricature out of an 80s party movie;)

      • See, that’s why you can’t ever let the parents find out that you’ve skipped three-quarters of your grade 11 chemistry classes (‘t’wasn’t just you!)

        Also, that guy was basically Seth Green’s character, Kenny, in Can’t Hardly Wait. I’m pretty sure he wears a visor, too (*facepalm.*)

  2. What a douche canoe. I remember jerks like that from my high school days. And college days. And adulthood. But thankfully Adam spared me from having to associate directly with them. Those muffins are stinkin’ adorable. I am partial to both flavors but get a cinnamon studded coffee cake version and call me yours. Scarlette is all about the chocolate on chocolate version and I like that one too.

    • Bahahaha, you said douche canoe! I love it, because he WAS. Also, a friend uses that term all the time and she’s the only person I’ve ever heard it from besides, now, you! Heh, douche canoe. There but for the grace of some seriously decent men in our lives could have gone, uh, us (slightly mangled metaphor there, but you know what I mean.) And cinnamon coffee cake muffins are the BEST, especially if they have that crunchy munchy struesel stuff on top. There’s a chain here in town that has butterscotch muffins, too, and they’re sublime – you hit these little pockets of gooey melted butterscotch and they’re incredible. Oh gosh, now I could really go for a muffin!

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