Heh, that’s a line from the second best character* on my favourite TV show, The Good Place. Janet, played by D’Arcy Carden, is an “informational assistant” – basically an Alexa that can walk and talk and learn to throw shade. Janet’s natural state is to walk around as a hot brunette (in inexplicably stodgy 1960s secretary wear) but when the goings get dicey (and are they never not dicey on The Good Place?) she can be “marbleized” – shrunk down into a easily hideable glass marble, simply by inserting the end of a paperclip in the tiny port behind her ear, and booping the end of her nose. Wow, is The Good Place ever a weird show.
Anyhow, none of that has anything to do with these nails – was just bandying about some ideas for the title of this post and thought, “Huh, these look like marble. Let’s Play Marbles? Ugh, no, that’s crap. Venus de Marble? Seriously? Gawd, go home, you’re drunk, that’s terrible. *GASP!!!* MARBLEIZE ME, MICHAEL!!!” Yup, sometimes it really is just that scattered. Also, I need to re-watch last season of The Good Place before the fourth – and final – season starts this fall.
Oh-kay, getting back to these nails! They were insanely easy. Like, embarrassingly easy. And they only took about 20 minutes, including dry time. Maybe I ought to create a tutorial? But the hows for now? I dipped a small, wide-edged detail brush into three polishes – here a dark brown, a lighter brown and a pale pink – and gently zigzagged it down my nails, already painted in a simple white creme, to create the veiny look of marble. I repeated that process wherever there was space, trying to keep things loose and not too “done.” Annnnnnnnd that was pretty much it. Oh! I also added just a tiny bit of glittery gold detailing, just to really highlight those little “fissures.” Also, too many quotation marks in this post. 😉
*The best character is clearly Jason Mendoza of Jacksonville, Florida. BORTLES!!!