Here’s a terrible joke for you – what do zombies use to bake their cupcakes? A brain pan. Wah-waaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh. 🙂
Zombies were the name of the game for the fourth prompt in the nail art challenge I’m participating in on Instagram. I wasn’t in the mood for your more traditional blood ‘n’ guts design, choosing instead to go with this cutie pie cupcake manicure, which even features two of my favourite zombie-themed polishes, Girly Bits Cosmetics’ Dead Man’s Toe and Dollish Polish’s Look at the Flowers, Lizzie. Can’t go wrong with brain cakes drizzled in sanguine coulis and snot green frosting, can you?
You know, “Goooood-bye, Ru-bee Friday, who could hang a name on you?” That’s how that Rolling Stones song goes, right? (massive joke here – my Boomer parents are hardcore Stones fans, particularly my mom, and have been since they were about 16 years old. I’ve sent them off to Toronto on more than a couple of occasions to catch their shows, always with the vague fear that my mother’s head is just going to explode, simply from breathing the same air as the leathery, seemingly indestructible object of her lifelong lust, Keith Richards. Anyhow, long joke short, I’m well versed in the Stones. Also the Animals, the Kinks, the Traveling Wilburys, Bob Segar, bit of Springsteen – that’s the music I grew up with. No wonder my taste in music skews so very rock.)
Anyhow, I may have gotten the day wrong on these ruby-esque nails, but whether it’s Tuesday or Friday, I think they’re still pretty dope. I actually did this manicure last month for the nail art challenge I’ve been participating in on Instagram for the theme of gemstones. I’ve been doing gemstone and stone-type nails for a little while now, actually had a few in reserve that I could have whipped out for just such an occasion, but I decided to try a little something different with this manicure, opting for a jelly sandwich mani wherein I layered sponged-on silver and glittery red polishes between thick, glossy coats of a vibrant, ruby red jelly. It turned out to be a pretty good technique – I think these nails look like the cross-section of a cut gemstone, so pretty. I think they look particularly nice in the matte finish – gems before they’ve hit the buffer ‘n’ polisher.
And they don’t look too bad in WAY SUPER UP CLOSE MACRO MODE either. It’s always amazing the level of detail that shows up in a macro shot, huh? By the way, NEVER turn a macro lens on, say, your skin. You’ll walk away convinced that you’re desiccating on the spot. Hey, just like our leathery man, Keef! (kidding, Mom, I’m kidding – c’mon, you know Keith’s gonna outlast us all. And thank goodness – we’re going to need sweet riffs in the apocalypse.) 😉
The second prompt in the nail art challenge I’m participating in over on Instagram is “Wicked Witches,” and who’s more wicked than…okay, so I was going to say the Wicked Witch of the East, but we don’t ever really get to know her, either in the Wizard of Oz or one of those interminable Wicked re-imaginings I can’t stand (the books; can’t speak to the stage productions.)
No, we don’t know much about the easternmost point of the witch compass, though we DO know that she had the flyest threads in the Merry Old Land of Oz – pun very much intended. I’m totally on board with any babe badass enough to pair black-and-white striped hosiery with glittery red pumps. Shame about the house business, though, and that footwear-thieving Dorothy. Honestly, that’s how I would have written The Wizard of Oz – screw this avenging sister, Wicked Witch of the West business. I’d have the broad rise up, brute force Dorothy’s sepia-toned shack off her bod like the friggin’ Hulk and then dump it directly on top of Miss Dorothy, her cabal of broken toys, AND the little dog, too. Then I’d have her set fire to Oz (starting with the headquarters of the Lollipop Guild) with her Superman laser eyes. The Wicked Witch of the West doesn’t factor into my story at all – you really don’t need someone on your team whose greatest nemesis is WATER.
Hmm, seems I’m feeling a bit witchy and twitchy myself today – just call me the Wicked Witch of the West End. Well, at least I have the nails – and now also the glittery ruby slippers as well! – to pull it off.
Here’s a fun dovetailing of two of my favourite interests these days, nail art and hand lettering. I’ve done lettering-type nails before, of course – these Beetlejuice nails from 2016 remain undisputed champions – but not since re-discovering my teenagehood love of calligraphy via Instagram (oh Insta, is there nothing you can’t turn into a new obsession?) After taking a lettering module during grade 9 art class, I got way into calligraphy and other hand lettering, even going so far as to compose my letters to my American pen pal in ornate, looping script (and in a rather dashing bright turquoise ink, no less, a present from my parents, who also supplied me with a gorgeous refillable pen.)
But just lately I’ve been taken with short lettering videos on Instagram; they’ve really reignited the old lettering bug, even if practice makes me feel a bit like I’m auditioning for the Well-Mannered Serial Killer Olympics (Hannibal Lecter is always a contender.)
Anyhow, here I combined a holo-happy gradient with some loopy lettering for a mani that’s really feeling all the Falls. 🙂
I’m participating in another nail art challenge over on Instagram, this time themed to seemingly everyone’s favourite holiday, Halloween. This bonerrific manicure (c’mon, did you think I was going to leave a potential boner joke on the table, metaphorically speaking?) is in service of the first challenge prompt of “Spooky Skeleton.”
Speaking from a design perspective, skeletons are my least favourite Halloween decorating trope, and I’ve never really cared to paint them on my nails either (though this early design is way dope; I’d try anything in those super early days, and sometimes it didn’t even turn out that badly!) But I do like bones (and boner jokes) and so I decided to do this simple, but rather striking, bone design, enhanced with four nifty, colour-shifting multi-chromes from Polish Me Silly (from index to pinkie, Obsession, Mystery, Dreamer and Paradise.)
Not those kind of Zig Zags, though there were plenty of those on That ’70s Show (of which I was an occasional watcher; the hazy circle bit, especially when it involved Eric’s parents, was never not hilarious.) No, just that there’s something very 1970s about these zig zag nails, which I did as part of a challenge I’m participating in over on Instagram. I think it’s the colour palette I chose, or maybe the fact that the stripes look a bit like one of those ultra chic sweater dresses, Missoni or not, the girls wore.
And if this post is not making a tremendous amount of sense, that’s because I’m hella sick, and maybe a bit loopty (typo, but I’m keeping it) on cough suppressant. I have a cough that can bring down walls under the very best of circumstances, and these are not my best circumstances. I took a bath yesterday, and counted the fact that I was able to pull myself out of the tub more or less under my own power as a major victory, and then once more returned to my sickbed. Oh, look at that – I’ve gone all Victorian on you. From the 1970s to the 1870s!
Anyhow, hope you enjoy these nails. I’m going back to bed.
The nails are new, and better, but the sentiment about the Disney ride on which this manicure is based, The Mad Tea Party (or “That vomitous spinning teacup ride”) remains the same as it was in this post from 2014. So take it away, Sandra of the mid-decade!
Should you find yourself in the highly enviable position of visiting the Magic Kingdom at Walt Disney World, tread carefully around the ride on which this design is based, the iconic Alice in Wonderland-themed Mad Tea Party. A spinning teacup ride, it’s the single most nausea-inducing attraction across four GIANT theme parks, and the destroyer of more than a couple of post-spin afternoons (no ride, with the exception of Epcot’s Mission to Mars, has ever made me want to toss my Mickey-shaped ice cream bar more.)
But over the years and visits I’ve come to work out a nearly foolproof method for riding the teacups at maximum spinning speed without tossing anything, a little wisdom I’ll drop on all you noobs who would prefer not to be seen vomiting into a teacup-adjacent trashcan while a bunch of children look on – simply lock eyes with your spinning partner, crank the cup’s wheel as hard as you can and never. look. away. It’s the looking to the side (or down or up) that’ll do you in, to say nothing of closing your eyes (don’t do that either.) Just look fixedly (and sort of cross-eyed, I won’t lie) at the person directly across from you and don’t look away until you have safely disembarked the ride, remembering to gather up your children and your belongings as you leave.
This is the advice I had for my husband when we rode the cups during his first visit to Disney World on our honeymoon. Spectators lined up along the edges of the ride no doubt saw two slightly deranged, possibly too-old-for-this weirdos cranking their teacup’s wheel faster than it could keep up and staring dementedly at each other. I’m proud to say those demented weirdos were us. 🙂
I would just like to add that since writing that post five years ago, both Disney AND encroaching old age have called my bluff on which attractions make me sick – that’s now pretty well all of them, to varying degrees. Motion simulators turn me inside out, backwards coasters make me want to toss my cookies…I was even starting to feel a little whoopsy as we departed the Haunted Mansion following our 13th run on Halloween 2017 (a Doom Buggy is perhaps not the smoothest of ride vehicles.) Long story short, the Mad Tea Party is now the least of my worries, with or without my sweet ride hack. 😉