Fed Up: A Bit of a Rant

Candy Cane Forest BottleRegular readers of this blog know it’s not my style to call out a polish manufacturer for a product that doesn’t ring my chimes. Personal preferences being as varied as they are, there’s no way to appeal to every lacquerista. But when a polish (or seemingly an entire line of polishes) fails to pass muster on its most crucial elements – formulation, ease of application, overall value – I do feel the need to speak up, if only to keep my readers from exchanging their money for a sub-par product. And regrettably, this polish, The Seven Levels of the Candy Cane Forest by Dollish Polish, is just such a sub-par product.

You actually may be asking yourself why I’m tinkering around with a Christmas polish in June. That’s because, less than enamored with Dollish’s offerings to date, I thought I’d try the lone remaining untried polish I purchased in a fit of post-holiday spending, the Elf-inspired The Seven Levels of the Candy Cane Forest, just to see how it compared to its order mates. Given how poorly the others have performed to date, I wasn’t confident in its abilities to see out the year.

Still, as much as I like being right, I wasn’t pleased to find Candy Cane Forest behaving exactly as I expected. There is alternately too much glitter in this festive mix of circles, bows, hexes, candy canes, stars and large trees and too little – perhaps owing to the heaviness of the larger pieces, the glitter just slides off the brush and back into the bottle. So pack your hip waders for this one, because if you want to use this polish, you’re going on a fishing expedition. Formula-wise, Candy Cane Forest is no great shakes, succumbing to that thing all but one of my Dollish polishes does where it pulls off the end of my nails in fine, dry threads. I was also dismayed to note that the glitter, a mix of matte and holographic pieces in red, white, green, silver and gold, is beginning to colour bleed, staining the clear base a sickly, watery green.

Are these minor points? Sure. And maybe it’s not fair to lay all of my grief with Dollish at the doorstep of this one polish, but seeing as all but one – 10 in total – have been problematic at best and completely unusable at worst (I outright binned two minis that were behaving more like glue than nail polish), it’s a better-than-usual indicator of their products in general. Frankly, these polishes are far too expensive – $5 US for a mini, $10 for a full sized bottle – and difficult to obtain – online only, with all the attendant shipping fees – for this nonsense, and I’m not playing any more. Cutesie pie names inspired by some of my very favourite movies and television shows, Dollish’s milieu, are all fine and well, but only if the quality lives up to the inspiration, and these polishes have fallen disappointingly short. Buyer beware, friends. End of rant.Candy Cane Forest Hand

The Four Main Food Groups

ElfBuddy the Elf says, “Eat lots of sugar, kids, and you’ll grow up big and strong like me!” Or failing straight-up refined sugar, you can always gorge yourselves silly on the elves’ four preferred food groups, candy, candy canes, candy corns and syrup!

Note: Elf makes me cry great big salty tears of stupidity every time I watch it. When James Caan finally learns the true meaning of Christmas and Santa’s sleigh lifts off above Central Park and all the people start singing, I bawl. Every single time, like elf-propelled clockwork. It’s such a sweet movie.