Arizona Shrimp Horny

Arizona Shrimp Horny 1

That’s a line from one of my favourite TV shows, The Good Place, about Kristen Bell’s character, self-described Arizona trashbag Eleanor Shellstrop, a woman who REALLY loves her shrimp.  And maybe even in the biblical sense, according to dimwitted friend Jason Mendoza, an act I would really not put beyond her – Eleanor’s a delightful pervert who’s constantly, improbably horny for everyone and everything, and I’m sure that includes her beloved shrampies.

But all this talk of shrimp, in service of this manicure I did after getting the “Arizona shrimp horny” line stuck in my head for days, made me realize that there are a lot of references to shrimp in my favourite movies and TV shows, and they all make me laugh uproariously.  Brooklyn 99’s Jake is dismayed when he discovers that cruise ship latrines empty into the ocean – “But that’s where my shrimp live!”  Buffy the Vampire Slayer’s Anya loves to talk up the all-shrimp (or no-shrimp) worlds that populate other dimensions.  The Birdcage’s Agador (Agador Spartacus?) protests when another character whisks away the seafood chowder he’s prepared, calling after them in a singsongy Puerto Rican accent, “But you forgot da tshrimps!”  Raising Hope’s Jimmy horrifies his family after returning home from his grocery store job reeking of disemboweled decapods (“Oh my god, what is that smell?!”  “The poop of 50,000 shrimps.”)  And let’s not forget about The Muppets’ Pepe the Prawn, who always seems to be on the unfortunate end of one of Miss Piggy’s schemes to make Kermit jealous (I laugh for days at the bit in the movie with Jason Segal and Amy Adams where Kermit walks in on Piggy and Pepe, in costume, practicing the lift from the end of Dirty Dancing.  He’s in a tiny little leather jacket, and desperately trying to fend off Piggy’s without-warning attempts at launching herself up and over him while “I’ve Had the Time of My Life” warbles in the background.  Mr. Finger Candy and I practically giggled ourselves into fits contemplating this wee shrimp version of Johnny Castle (we’ve dubbed him Prawny Castle, because how could we not?)

Turns out there’s a lot of references to shrimp in my favourite pop culture, and now here the little buggers are adorning my nails.  Think I might have as big a problem as Eleanor? 😉

Arizona Shrimp Horny 2

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All About Me

Collage of Me Main

Riveting, to be sure!  But actually, yes, I just spent quite a bit of time updating my About page so it reads less like a bulleted ransom note and more like an invitation to explore this blog’s offerings and the blogger behind the babble. 🙂 Metaphorical exploration, that is!  Trust me, this is definitely NOT me setting out my cybersex shingle.  Hmm, I think this paragraph might have gotten away from me a bit. 😦

Anyhow, if you’re at all interested in getting to know the mind behind the manis, I offer myself up.  Ack, but not like that!  Not like offer-offer, just that — actually, you know what?  I think this is just going to be one of those days when everything that comes out of my mouth is loaded sexual innuendo designed to get a rise out of someone, so I’m just going to choke this off right now and — dammit.

You’ve Gotta Be Squidding Me

Squidding Collage

Here’s a polish I haven’t given much of a workout, Different Dimension’s You’ve Gotta Be Squidding Me.  I have no idea how it came by that name – the only squid I can think of right now, besides the giant dead one I saw moldering behind glass at the Boston Aquarium when I was eight, are those little white ones that flash bright red when they mate en masse, a display of such supreme underwater acrobatics, most of the little buggers fall dead from exhaustion immediately afterward, carpeting the sea floor with their limp carcasses.  Then seals eat them.  ANYHOW, I’m *fairly* certain Different Dimension didn’t have an out of control sex-squid key party in mind when they named this polish.  Here’s hoping!

You’ve Gotta Be Squidding Me is such a pretty polish, but it’s also quite tricky.  The jelly formulation is lovely and this polish applies beautifully, but a couple of hours after drying, it does that thing that nearly all jelly polishes do and begins to pull back at the edges of my nails.  Visible nail lines can also be an issue, particularly in the sun (I used four coats for this manicure before deciding to call it, nail lines and all.)

Squidding Sun Collage

The lush coral hue of Squidding Me is gorgeous, though, and this purple flakie-stuffed polish is a fantastic colour chameleon, flashing between a kind of candied pinky-orange, a darker, purple-tinged coral and neon pink.  Gorgeous; a perfect summer polish.  And not at all evocative of perverted cephalopods boning themselves to death, no siree.

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