That’s a $5 Shake!

Milkshake Better BottleThe good, the bad and the ugly on this lacquer, Dollish Polish’s Pretty F*cking Good Milkshake, breaks down as follows:

The Good: The name is everything! This is another pick from Dollish’s Pulp Fiction Collection, this time a slightly shimmery pale pink studded with red, yellow, green and white matte glitter. Its name is inspired by a favourite scene in which John Travolta’s Vincent Vega takes Uma Thurman’s gangster wife Mia Wallace out to dinner, expressing utter incredulity when she orders a $5 milkshake.

The Bad: Names aren’t everything! And since you can’t paint a name on your nails, it renders the point of a pop culture-centric nail polish totally moot, especially when it is of as poor a formulation as Pretty F*cking Good Milkshake. Keen readers will note that this is the third such Dollish Polish I’ve run across in as many weeks to trade quality for cutesie, something I was once willing to write off as an anomaly but now see has become an actual aggravating trend. Like You’ve Got Red On You and I Myself Am Strange and Unusual and I Threw My Pie For You (an Orange is the New Black-inspired polish I have no pictures of, as it was very much like trying to paint my nails with actual pie filling), Milkshake is just this side of unusable. It’s thick, but dry, and wants to pull off the ends of my nails in fine little threads. The pale pink base and large matte glitter also do their part to make this polish a no-go, with the sheer base requiring multiple, multiple coats for full opacity (I used six coats here and a coat of Seche Vite) and the heavier glitter doing its best to pull it right back off your nails again. And not for nothing, but Mia Wallace orders a Martin & Lewis-style shake, which is straight-up vanilla, meaning creamy white (cute though this Strawberry Shortcake-hued colour combo might be.)

The Ugly: Dollish Polish’s products have been irritatingly inconsistent, waffling between the best polish I’ve ever owned (the pale yellow Get Your Sprinkle On!) and the very worst (the aforementioned I Threw My Pie For You; the first polish I’ve ever just outright binned, actually.) I’m willing to run with the theory that like most polishes, Dollish’s lacquers operate best in a full size bottle as opposed to the minis I typically purchase, but that doesn’t excuse other minor aggravations like colour-settling and streaking.

You might be looking at these pictures and thinking, “That looks pretty all right; what the heck is she talking about?” But please keep in mind that while I am not a nail professional (I just play one on the Internet!) I have a lot of experience painting my nails with what I term “difficult” glitters, and if I’m having trouble wrangling a mani in anything less than six coats, what about the nail newbie? Like my Pulp Fiction-loving, nearly new mom best friend, who (spoiler!) I recently sent a bottle of Milkshake to, who in very short order will not have all the time in the world to sit around while she waits for infinity coats of nail polish to dry. Nothing should be this much work, as pretty as the end result might be.Milkshake Hand

I Myself Am Strange and Unusual

Beetlejuice CollageHere’s a great example of a polish that’s more than the sum of its apparent parts thanks to a super cute name and a lovingly faithful recreation of a beloved movie character, in polished form! This is I Myself Am Strange and Unusual, a Beetlejuice-inspired lacquer from Dollish Polish’s recently released Cult Movie Classics Collection. The name comes from a declaration that gloomy goth girl Lydia Deetz loftily makes that she can see ghosts because, like the ghosts themselves, she is herself strange and unusual. The name is cute, and the polish itself is nice enough, although probably not something I’d buy were it not inspired by and named after one of my favourite movies. But the perfect touch on this polished sundae – the thing that takes it from a maybe-buy to a must-buy, particularly for Beetlejuice fans – is its flawless attention to detail in capturing Lydia’s general essence. The colour, for one, is perfect, a greyed-out periwinkle the colour of violently stormy skies shot through with glass shard glitter as brittle as Lydia herself. This polish also features a healthy scattering of plum and blue micro glitter, which in certain lights makes it look like the exact colour of Lydia’s bedroom walls. They’re little, but important, touches, particularly for fangirl types like me! 🙂I Myself Fingers