I was a huge My Little Pony fan when I was a kid. I can still remember the Christmas my parents bought me the Pony Palace, an ENORMOUS equine playhouse that folded out into three separate wings, including an indoor pool and an atrium. That was the year my best friend got Castle Grayskull from his parents, and we spent our holidays gleefully imprisoning the baby ponies in the Castle’s trapdoor prison (when Skeletor wasn’t taking a dip in the pool, that was.)
So I was of course predictably horrified when, while researching these nails (I couldn’t for the life of me remember half of the OG ponies’ names) I ran across the new generation of My Little Pony figurines, half-horse, half-human abominations that stand on two feet, hands – HANDS!!! – perched on saucily cocked hips, giant, multi-coloured manes piled high. Looking at them, I felt positively ragey, and brokenhearted for all that kids are barely allowed to be today – just kids. Kids with plastic horse toys with huge butts and stubby legs and sweet, baleful eyes, not these sexy, anthropomorphized nightmares desperately trying to eye-bang me through the protective plastic on their boxes.
Tangent! But a valid one. Been to a toy store lately? Your favourites – if they’re still in production – are not as you remember them! So I thought I’d honour what used to be, the markings on the chubby haunches of the original ponies, from left to right, Bow-Tie, Applejack, Minty and Snuzzle.