Blood in the Water

Jaws Full Hand

Hey look, it’s my boy Jaws!  Always fun to catch up with my favourite fiberglass shark, with a cameo from the outstandingly tacky anchor print blazer the asshat Mayor of Amity wears as he’s dooming his island-bound constituents to death-by-shark.

Slightly tangential, but I miss the Jaws ride at Universal Studios Florida with the fire of 1,000 exploding oil tankers.  Ah, to smooch that germ-ridden mug just one more time, as I did on our honeymoon (and maybe five or six other times in my life, but this sweet shark kiss happened on our honeymoon.  Mr. Finger Candy was very understanding.) 😉

Smooching Jaws

Choking Hazard

jawbreaker-fingers

While I was looking up photos of jawbreaker candies for this sweet manicure, it struck me just how much of a safety hazard these candies really are.  All of them start out life tooth-breakingly hard, but when you add in the sheer size of some of them – about the size of a child’s fist – I don’t know how they’re not sent off to the same prison as Kinder Eggs for choking hazard crimes.  They’re basically dental work-destroying, candied ball gags.

But cute?  So cute!  And at the end of the day, still candy, so ignore all that prior talk of busted teeth and blocked trachea, huh?  Also a great excuse to use the so, so messy splatter technique for this manicure, which involves blowing nail polish out the end of a straw and onto your nails (always blow, never suck; these nails just look edible!)

Lizzie’s Been a Bad, Bad Girl

The Walking DeadFans of The Walking Dead will get this splatter effect manicure that draws heavy inspiration from the base polish I used here, Dollish Polish’s icky-gorgeous zombie green glitter, Look at the Flowers, Lizzie. I’m not the biggest fan of the show (my husband is The Walking Deadhead around here, although I casually watch just so I can stay up to date on my pop culture education) but even I know those five devastating words, uttered by a character pushed to the absolute brink of her humanity, truly sum up the moral core of this show – no matter who you were or the person you will never get the chance to become, if you’re not part of the solution, you are the problem. And problems need to be dealt with. Just devastating.

Know what else is devastating…ly gorgeous? This nail polish! Also, friends, that is the second such horrendous non sequitur I’ve dumped on you in as many weeks. It’s the written equivalent of a star wipe, and nearly as subtle! You deserve better! You ought to revolt and tell me to go get fu —————–

*** STAR WIPE!!! ***

For these zombiefied splatter nails, I brushed on three coats of Look at the Flowers, Lizzie, an unexpectedly delicate mix of black, white, pink, yellow and green glitter in a pale, mossy green jelly base. I had initially thought this polish to be quite murky-looking, but on the nail it’s a lovely, clear yellow-green shot through with brainy bits of multi-coloured glitter in hexes, circles and squares of every size. An incredibly beautiful and unique polish that has so much more to offer besides the shock factor of its name, although that certainly doesn’t hurt, because look at what this simple swatching exercise turned into!

To do the incredibly easy – but messy and stainy – splatter effect, I dipped a straw directly into the glittery red I always use when I need a bit of blood splatter in my manis, Ceramic Glaze’s Hong Kong Diva. The straw needn’t, and shouldn’t, be dripping with polish, but there should be enough clinging to the end so that when you next blow the polish onto your nails – and for the love of all that’s holy, please remember to BLOW as opposed to SUCK (God, Elton, can’t you suck?!”) – there will actually be enough to, you know, blow. Go one nail at a time, dipping the straw back into the bottle to grab more polish as you go. I typically clean up the inevitable over-spray on my splatter manicures, but I liked the more is more approach I went with here, although I can’t condone sporting this look around, say, your boss or your nana or anyone else you don’t wish to offend with your “bloody” mitts. It also shouldn’t need saying, but please do remember to cover up anything you don’t want to see splattered in red nail polish with a large plastic bag before you get to Dexter-ing.Look at the Flowers, Lizzie Watermarked